DaydreamBeyond

• 1st image: These first two drawings in the top left are from a blank sketchbook my mother gave to me when I was a child. She would draw in the book (as well as my grandma sometimes too), and would also teach me how to draw in the book when I was only 5 years old. This shows where I got started and how well I was starting to progress in my skills with drawing even when I was only in kindergarten. Also, this shows my family's encouragement of me being an artist to follow in my mother and grandmother's foot steps.
  
  
• 2nd image: This artwork is from when I was in college in my first college level art class. It was the first time I had challenged myself to do more realistic drawing. We were tasked with drawing a sheet on a chair. This was the first time I had ever done any realism art and I learned a lot in the process. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia when I was a teen, and I had several issues with chronic pain, anxiety, ptsd, and more. I had stopped creating art because I was always in pain and my hands would hurt all the time. This class helped me to push past my ailments with the help of medications, therapy, and the support of friends and family, and I was able to start creating again.
  
  
• 3rd image: I had just gotten involved in DeviantArt at this point and I was inspired to start teaching myself how to do digital art and also how to draw in an anime/chibi-like style that is unique to myself. This was the first time I had ever done a digital art commission. The person was very happy with the outcome and even gave me an extra tip. Searching through DeviantArt, and checking out various tutorials and custom brushes people have uploaded, kept inspiring me to do more with my art.
  
  
• 4th image: In 2016 all of my art that I had made in real life, all of the art I had uploaded to various websites, and what I had stored on my computer, was all destroyed/deleted by an abusive ex. He had held me hostage in my apartment when I tried to break up with him for being abusive, and he kept me there for a week and raped and beat me near death. Unfortunately none of my neighbors called the cops, and I finally had to wear him out by fighting him off and he forgot to tie me to him when he went to sleep. I was able to sneak out and grab the pieces of my phone and put it back together and was able to call the cops myself to get rescued. When he held me prisoner he would burn and rip up my artwork in front of me, telling me how I wasn't an artist and that I was pathetic, and all sorts of terrible things. I almost died from the beatings he gave me. After what happened I had a very hard time making art again because all of my stuff was destroyed/deleted, it felt like my hands had been cut off... Luckily with the support of friends on DeviantArt and my real life friends and family I was encouraged to start creating again. This image is a picture of my very first non-school related art show at a local theater/bar, with work I created after what happened to me. I pushed myself to keep creating and learning different styles and techniques through the help of users on DeviantArt. All of the art I displayed at the art show was sold, and I was so happy I was able to accomplish something with my work after what happened.
  
  
• 5th image: This one is very special to me because it symbolizes the trauma I have survived in my life. I was asked if I would want to submit some of my work into a mental health awareness art campaign in my local city to be displayed in the poetry center in downtown. This picture of it is the work in progress version. I did complete a colored version that was displayed in the mental health awareness show at the poetry center, but I wasn't happy with the colors I had used in my rush to finish it in time for the show. I decided to create the art again but to use different colors or possibly make it only in monochrome black and white. I am still currently working on this one. Being able to see the many creations of all the people on DeviantArt and how they show emotions in their work, inspired me to start making a series of emotional art of my own as a way to heal from all of the trauma I have been through in my life.
  
  
• Summary: All of these show that with the inspiration I've gathered from all the wonderful artists of DeviantArt that I can conquer my fears and heal from the things I have been through using the amazing healing power of art. I am very grateful to all of the artists that take the time to help others learn and grow, and to even help with creating tools for them to do better. I think DeviantArt is an amazing community that helps to keep art alive in everyone's hearts, whether it be the art fans that can play out their fantasies through OCs, cosplays, etc., or the beautiful gifts people have made for others to celebrate weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, etc. with uniquely created artistic items. It especially inspires all the students of art to keep creating and learning with user made tools like brushes, tutorials, etc., and not to mention the awesome contests that DeviantArt holds where users can win supplies, money, exposure, and various other tools to help them succeed in their art careers or just simply create things as a hobby. I appreciate DeviantArt and the community it has created and I hope it continues to grow and become even better.

    After what I went through in 2015 and 2016, it's been very difficult for me in my recovery from so much physical and emotional abuse. I've been having to make new art to replace all of my work that my ex destroyed and deleted. I've been having trouble recently from my injuries from him, and having issues in my left eye where he hit me quite often... I may have to get glasses, as it's been hindering my ability to make art at times.
    I'm going to trauma therapy and finally working through the years of trauma I've been through and the most recent severe incident of abuse... I'm also making big changes in my life by promoting my art more and sharing it with others, and I applied to be considered for gastric bypass surgery. The surgery will create a huge change in my health for the better. I'm looking forward to seeing a new me.
    I've also decided to put more of my emotions from the traumas into my work. I even recently submitted an art piece I did to the "Stop Stigma Sacramento" organization to celebrate their "May is mental health month" art show. They're going to contact me soon about where my work will be displayed, so that's something positive. I also had a nice woman ask to use one of my photos for an article she wrote on bay area tide pools here in California, so my photography of a cute little crab is displayed in a web article. I've never had anything of mine or had myself mentioned in any kind of article before. There is so much going on right now... Some things are great progress and positive things to think about, but some things are just too much for me to think about at times and I just break down... Intrusive thoughts just find their way in and ruin my mood...
    I want to just start drawing and creating ideas from my head, but I have so many commissions to finish first right now, and I keep putting them off... It's so hard for me to do commissions... I just want to create what's in my mind and if people like it then fine... I get so much anxiety and pressure trying to even think about drawing another person's requests or ideas usually... I even missed out on illustrating a cool children's book recently that my friend is having published... I just couldn't handle creating a style for kids and then finishing 20 kid-enticing pictures within a month... I could of done it and started months ago, but just looking at all of it at once all the time just made me not want to work on it at all...